The 30-Second Summary:

• The Problem: Traditional icebreakers ("What do you do?") reinforce hierarchies and feel like work.
• The Solution: Low-stakes, high-affinity questions that reveal personality without being intrusive.
• The Goal: Build psychological safety and find "hidden" commonalities across the team.

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One of the mistakes I make as a manager is skipping small talk in large group settings. During regular 1:1's I get to know team members, which gives me an advantage, but holds back future collaboration between distant teammates.

When it comes to large group settings, standard icebreakers are a missed opportunity. They often lean toward the mundane ('Where are you from?') or feel intrusive. To build a high-trust team, you need questions that spark curiosity without crossing boundaries.

People feel positive after small talk

Nicholas Epley, a psychologist at the University of Chicago ran a series of experiments that asked strangers to predict whether they’d be happier after a bus or train ride in solitude or on one in which the made conversation, and then he made those conversations possible and resurveyed people.

It turns out that we’re poor predictors of what makes us happy. More people thought they’d find happiness in solitude on their commute, but it turns out the small-talkers rated their commute time as more positive.

Lesson from the Trillion Dollar Coach

In Trillion Dollar Coach, a book about the practices of the legendary leadership coach Bill Campbell, the authors highlight the importance of early-in-the-meeting small talk, with a twofold benefit:

• Team members get to know each other as people, with families and interesting lives outside of work
• Everyone in the meeting gets involved from the beginning in a fun way

This way, by the time you’re reading to have a tough discussions or make a decision, everyone has already experienced the room as a place to open up.

The Trillion Dollar Coach recommends two ways to start small talk:

1. Ask people what they did this weekend
2. Has anyone traveled recently? Ask them for a trip report.

Beware, recounting weekend plans can turn performative. Team members might feel pressured to say something interesting lest people judge them for eating midnight pancakes while watching the opening rounds of the Australian Open.

If anyone's traveled recently, a trip report is a great way to spotlight a single team member.

The no-hassle way to start small talk

I use ice breaker questions to start my team’s weekly sync. Yes. ICEBREAKERS. I know, I can see the look on your face. You don’t want to think of the animal that best represents you or an activity that starts with the same letter as your first name. But hear me out: it’s not about the questions, it’s about the act of sharing information and giving each person a chance to speak.

Plus. the stakes (and perceived judgement) are much lower if the goal is to get your team debating the merits of buttercream vs. cream cheese frosting,

24 Questions for your team

Use these questions to get started. Don’t worry, you won’t run out. Instead, ask your team for the questions they’d like to ask of their teammates and learn how they’d like to get to know each other better.

The "Low-Stakes" Starters

1. What pets did you have growing up? (or wish you had?)
2. What is one object or space in your home that brings you the most focus or calm?
3. If you could live inside of any TV show (comedy or drama), which one would it be?
4. What’s your favorite time of day (weather, temp, etc)
5. Do you collect anything? How did it start?
6. If you could magically become fluent in any language, which one would it be?
7. Are you a cat person or dog person (or neither?)

The "Personal Lens"

1. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be, and why?
2. If you could see one movie again for the first time, which one and why?
3. If you could choose any person from history to be your imaginary friend, who would it be and why?
4. Would you rather travel back in time to meet your ancestors or to the future to meet your descendants?
5. What fictional family (from TV, movies, books, comics) would you want to be a member of?

The "Work & Workspace" edit

1. If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine (it would just magically be done) what would you eliminate and why?
2. What is a piece of advice or a gift that changed your career trajectory?
3. What subjects should be taught in school but aren’t?
4. How do you intentionally disconnect on the weekend
5. What did your first job teach you about work?

The "Silly" ones direct from my team

1. What’s the best cupcake? Frosting?
2. What is your most-used emoji?
3. What is your cellphone lock screen?
4. What fictional world or place would you like to visit?
5. If you had to wear a hat every day for the rest of your life, what type of hat would it be?
6. If you were an Olympic athlete, what sport would you compete in?
7. In your dream house, what is one element you would include that nobody else in this room would choose?

Facilitation pro-tips

• The "Pass" Rule: Always give people the right to pass on a question.
• Model the Behavior: In the first few sessions, be a leader. Go first to set the tone for vulnerability and length.
• Make it easy: Pay attention to your team's interest and mirror them in the weekly question
• Keep it Brief: Limit responses to 30-60 seconds to keep the energy high.

Icebreakers can be more than 'fluff'. Use them as a foundation of psychological safety. By moving past small talk, you aim for a team that knows, trusts, and supports one another.